And all the talk this month has been about Fifty Shades. That it’s abusive. That it reflects poorly on relationships. The thing is, its selling. Profoundly. And its getting everyone talking (Got me). I had to see it personally and not criticize it without seeing it (typical, we all have strong opinions about what we don’t know). Actually, I laughed like few times I have done so at the movies. Johnson’s performance is spectacular. The new male actor wasn’t as captivating, but the plot was. It gets to the role we rarely talk about in relationships: negotiating. What better place for negotiation than the business place. It has been polished. It has been refined. Relationships? Not so much. We can argue all day long but the art of relationships lies in negotiation. And do we? Not like business. Many times its the equivalent of being bothered of clauses Most begin in expectations that have never been mutually agreed on, only to become resentful at the mesmerized outcome. Have we advanced in our ‘science of relationships’? I believe little. There is much more research on trauma or family dysfunction than there is about quality of relationships or basic contentment, less alone longevity (and if there is, there is not as much focus on it as there is on the famous ‘less than half make it’). We can code social media platforms that increase our connection with the world, we can make billion dollar businesses with venture capital…but where are we in the science of relationships? (please, for those with strong moral or religious opinions, be the change and save yourself the pedestal, we are all here for the growing experience and if what you had was so wonderful you’d have as much talk going as a hundredth of this movie).
Synthesis: go see it. Think about it. Begin the conversation. Whatever gets us talking must be hitting an Achilles tendon.